I Have To Dream

Click on the arrow to hear "I Have To Dream."  Words at the bottom.

I wanted to be a boy from a young age. My brother, two years older, was the first grandchild on both sides of the family and all the grandparents doted on him. I insisted that I wear my brother’s hand me down clothes and refused to wear dresses.  Because my brother ran around without a shirt on during the hot California summers, I was resolute that I too go topless.  When I was nine my parents gave me the requested Hopalong Cassidy watch.  

After my parents passed away I went through their old letters.  I found one my dad had written to his parents when my mom was pregnant with me. He said that my mom wanted a boy. She never said anything to me so I don’t know if her thoughts had anything to do with me wanting to be a boy.

When I was 13 I noticed how boys and girls were pairing up. I wondered why the boys didn’t like me. When the boys did start noticing me I was glad I was a girl.

Then at age 15 my best friend from high school, Nancy, suggested that we start a business and save up money to travel to Norway. I jumped on that dream. (Our motivations were different however.  She wanted to take a trip to Norway because her father had been there during WW II and she wanted to buy some sweaters.  My motivation was that I wanted to meet a bunch of young blond men.)  So here was an aspiration to replace my delusion of becoming a boy. (Nancy and I were able to journey to Scandinavia with our husbands many years later.)

As I grew older I began to study the Bible.  I have never understood the parable of the talents ( Matthew 25:14-30).  I think what it means is that we are supposed to develop our talents and then use them for God’s purposes.  The only talent I could identify in myself was that I was good at tap dancing.  As I look back I realize I should have started a dance school for children and used that talent.

But now, years later, because of health problems, I have taken up writing and praying.  I believe that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts as we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4).  So I dream about writing the great American novel or at least a short story for the Good Housekeeping Magazine!

The reason one of my favorite movies is “Children On Their Birthdays” is because I love the song “I Have To Dream.”  It expresses why I dream. The words are below.

What lies before me What stands between No one can tell me What I have seen Some see the tarnish I see the gleam I have to wonder I have to dream One dream can change you One dream can make All the difference One heart can take I dream of flying I'm in mid-air I have to wonder What's out there The skies the limit Today's the day (The) Heavens are still there When skies are gray Some days are better Than they seem Some days are better Because you dream On rainbows to rainbows On starlight to star To dream isn't that what Tomorrow is for Only a dreamer knows what I know What it's like to wonder And then let go On rainbows to rainbows I know what I seem I have to wonder I have to dream